guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
