The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
