ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
