He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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