Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
