yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
