he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
