I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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