so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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