lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
