bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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