Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
