If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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