i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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