I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
