Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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