I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
