he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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