And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
