so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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