i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
