He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
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My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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