hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
