One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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