I wish I could teleport
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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