I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
