and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize