I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize