Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
