When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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