You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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