I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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