Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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