I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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