are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
