ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
