i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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