you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
