this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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