we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
