I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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