Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
