When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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