i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
