I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
