just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
