You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
