I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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