I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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