smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We have so much sex to catch up on
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
