Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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