We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize