i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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