What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize