I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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