Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i will never coherently bang her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
