i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
