About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
