Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
