we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
