so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
