take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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