Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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